Since June 8th I’ve been running around fifteen or more miles a week. During this time I’ve dramatically cut down on my drinking, going from drinking four times a week to just twice in the last two months. Surprisingly, it’s been much, much easier than I thought it would be. I was talking to my friends Christine and Brandy last night and I think I came to a pseudo conclusion as to why I’ve gotten so into running so easily.

It’s a lot like drinking.

At least right now. You see, I haven’t grown to love the long runs where my calves burn and my head and neck feel heavy- I think I will, but it’s gonna take time. What does motivate me, is the euphoric feeling I get when I reach the door to my apartment after a hard run. And in a way, going on a run is like taking a shot.

Before you take a shot, you are aware it won’t be easy. You have a sinking feeling in your stomach that you may not be able to do it, but you know you’ll feel like a pussy if you don’t, so you go for it. The beginning is the worst. Everything starts to sting, and you wonder why you’re even doing it in the first place. Just as you feel like you want to give up though, you hit the middle of the shot, and you realize it’s not so bad, you’re halfway there. You can do this. But then, the end is almost as hard as the beginning, you start to think “God, is this a regulation shot? This is lasting longer than I anticipated.” You want to slow down, you want to stop early, but you’re motivated by having the bottom of the glass in sight, so you give it one final push. You’re done.

The feeling now, even though it’s leaving a terrible taste in your mouth, your stomach hurts and your throat burns. You have that feeling of accomplishment, you’re working towards a goal of getting fucked up. And you’ve just taken a giant step in the right direction. You feel dizzy, a little sick, but you feel good. Proud.

And that’s how I feel after I run. I’m pumped that my will power and determination is going into something that’s not actually hurting my body and driving me to text my entire contact list at 3 AM. I almost just ended this by typing, “I hope I can keep this up.” But that would have been stupid, I know I can.